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The Fall of Autumn and Spring (2018 Rerecordings)

by McKinley Claire

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1.
I woke to find I had garden vision Daisies in the kitchen I reached into my past to grab a fistful of seeds And strewn them round inside of me I wait within the sidewalk while I'm soft and shy Till it's my turn to whither and die Till it's my turn to whither and die Not enlightened, just a little undone What happened to my thoughts? Where did the time go? I woke to find I had garden vision Daisies in the kitchen I woke to find I had garden vision Daisies in the kitchen
2.
Maybe I'm not good enough Maybe I'm not up to snuff Maybe I'm always afraid since that faithful day When they said to me You will never ever leave here Maybe I feel weak and small Maybe I fear it all Maybe I hurt so much from a mental punch But I will rise I will rise I will rise through this dirt piss and grime Till I'm high enough to see God's face And say I forgive you for the mistakes you made The mistakes you made Maybe I don't belong Maybe I can't keep my calm Cause I don't feel right in any place Faking my way down to the grave Maybe I can't persevere Maybe I'll never be here Maybe I'll dwindle till the flame goes out I will turn to smoke without a sound But I will try I will try So I will try to keep my chin up high And rise up to look God in the face And say I forgive you for the mistakes you made The mistakes you made
3.
Why'd you give me this damn temper? Why'd you have to screw us over? I already know the answer It's cause we got the same thing for adventure So I'm left with all this doubt That I'll ever make it out Of these cursed genes making me someone I don't wanna be cause I don't wanna be this angry I don't wanna be doomed to be forever mean Scared of being abandoned Scared of waking up in A puddle of tears in my tiled kitchen Just like my old ex-boyfriend Who always sachéd back Into my life trying to wake up old affections But I can handle any man I meet Cause you were the one who was never supposed to leave Why'd you have to go and turn this whole thing upside down? I know what you've been doing when you think there's no one else who's watching We've been cleaning up your mess For the two months since you left I'm getting closer to the final test when I Forgive you for all your crimes Forgive you for all the times You raised your voice and crossed the line But I don't wanna be that mean I don't wanna be doomed to be forever angry
4.
If God loves a stupid man Then what does he think of me? If ignorance is bliss Should I be happy? If I go to hell, at least I will be warm And if I'm in limbo, at least I'm not alone And if I live forever, at least I will be wise And if I cannot sleep, at least I'll see the sunrise What does the Bible say about Sinning for the greater good? Maybe God would be A human if he could If I go to hell, at least I will be warm And if I'm in limbo, at least I'm not alone And if I live forever, at least I will be wise And if I cannot sleep, at least I'll see the sunrise Live is but a dream So dance away, dance away, dance away
5.
I quelled my wolf It's not all I am Kill 'em with kindness is what I always say But can you guess what the rain washed away? Bare my teeth Till they're grieving Hold my ground, bury the bodies Wind in my bones Sea salt in my stare My hair's too brittle for the little bit of static in the air But can you guess what the rain washed away? Well it wasn't me Well it wasn't me I'm like a scarecrow scared all night With the fields on fire I'm not scared anymore cause I put steel in my bones to feel as cold as the air But can you guess what the rain washed away? Well it wasn't me Well it wasn't me Look at me now Wrapped up in pearls
6.
Grown Downs 03:29
I found out more than what I bargained for Your age don't matter much Except as an argument crutch Honesty's the best policy As long as you've got the upper hand Misery loves company So long as you got a better disease You've grown down to So much less than you You've shirked your job In growing up Why should I hold your hand When you can't stop crawling with the rats in the sand? You've done it again Pretended no one's upset You've done it now And let everyone down But don't you think that you're just a little too old for this? Don't you think that I'm just a little too young to solve your adult shit? You've grown down to So much less than you You've shirked your job In growing up Why should I hold your hand When you can't stop crawling with the rats in the sand?
7.
Creeping out towards mystery Listening to the dark There's something out there moving something Something pulling you apart So when you hear the moonlight whistle Calling all of us home Will you answer the inkling Or will you just wander alone? I know you hear the moonlight whistle Calling the tramps and thieves Wandering on the road from the far west into the east If light were secrets I would be an underground library Hoarding all the things whispered by the night rock reverie Itching on my neck we might be more creature than man But the transformation will justify the ends So when you hear the moonlight whistle Calling all of us home Will you answer the inkling Or will you just wander alone I know you hear the moonlight whistle crashing into me I'm doomed to be a servant to the night rock reverie
8.
Do hurricanes love themselves And all they do to everyone else Destructive seduction Compulsive rejection This string of lovers won't fill The hole of fear I feel Auto-pilot determined to crash Too lost to be attached My heart has legs that get away from me Making me into someone I don't want to be But my heart lacks hands to climb these walls Built around my fear of feeling at all
9.
Skin Suit 04:13
Rosaisha cheeks and ADD It's like I'm two degrees from healthy Cradle cash in both arms and dash until we reach Babylon The world's gone nutso Maybe we can run and catch the last boat Hey this cat's gone greedy but I don't mind cause she look like me Boom daddy-oop boom daddy oh Boom daddy-oop boom daddy ee Boom daddy-oop boom daddy oh Has the world gone crazy or is it all just me? Jesus had it right but he brought a book to a cross fight Orange popsicle is on the podium Maybe he will get it done Pant suit dashing hard maybe she'll make a mark seen from Mars Hey this cat's gone greedy but I don't mind cause she look like me Boom daddy-oop boom daddy oh Boom daddy-oop boom daddy ee Boom daddy-oop boom daddy oh Has the world gone crazy or is it all just me? Every doctor needs a smoke And every dentist needs a drink There's more to this than what your mother thinks Hey this cat's gone greedy but I don't mind cause she look like me Boom daddy-oop boom daddy oh Boom daddy-oop boom daddy ee Boom daddy-oop boom daddy oh Has the world gone crazy or is it all just me? I cashed his heart until I made sure he had paid I look into the abyss till the abyss looked away No matter the person, place, or mineral We're the fucking criminals Hey this cat's gone greedy but I don't mind cause she look like me Boom daddy-oop boom daddy oh Boom daddy-oop boom daddy ee Boom daddy-oop boom daddy oh Has the world gone crazy or is it all just me?
10.
I've gone and done it now Drove away from the party To see if this stranger on the phone knows what's wrong with me These edges everywhere Too sharp to ignore Can't tell if one needs a good twenty feet or more Won't somebody save me? Get rid of this beast I've gone and done it now A darkness eating me Just some exercise Look both ways on the street Meditate twice Maybe ever three Trespassing on myself Sorry to disappoint It's not the asphalt's fault it looks so kind to my eyes Can't somebody save me Get rid of this beast I've gone and done it now A darkness eating me Till it's a part of me Till it's a part of me Till it's a part of me Trespassing on myself Sorry to disappoint It's not the asphalt's fault it looks so sweet to me
11.
How about that news today? It looks like hell but we're still going to work anyway How about that cup of tea you owe me? We don't like each other But we like the company Train's leaving, you better go Haven't I done this all before? Where have I been all this time? I may be well but I sure ain't fine Wake up and feed the cat Look in the mirror and Worry about all that body fat Blink shrug yawn breath deep Make sure they don't know that you're going to therapy I wish I could go back to bed I wish I could go back to being a little kid Bouncing around in my head I think I'll drive back instead It's not a long way home I'll just tell my woes to the road Where have I been all this time? I may be well but certainly ain't fine Wake up and feed the cat Look in the mirror and worry about your body fat Blink shrug yawn breath deep Make sure they don't know that you're going to therapy Blink shrug yawn breath deep Make sure they don't know that you're going to therapy

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released December 1, 2018

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McKinley Claire Manassas, Virginia

A girl who plays every damned instrument all by herself.

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